Antidotes to Denial Part 2
Antidotes to Denial: Part 2
In our previous blog post, we went into the first 2 Antidotes to Denial: Accountability and Reality. Let’s take a look at the other 3.
Maturity
Our third piece of armor—Maturity—is yet another critical part of the whole. We can see David’s maturity by studying the end of his life (see 2 Samuel 24), particularly when he sinned by taking the census of Israel. David didn’t sin deliberately very often, but when he did, it was usually catastrophic! In this case 70,000 people died because of David’s sin.
There’s a huge difference, however, between this sin and the Bathsheba affair. This time David doesn’t need Nathan to expose anything—David is immediately convicted by his own conscience, and he immediately repents. He takes it a step further and even pleads that God will punish only him and his family (and not the nation), since it was his sin that brought down God’s wrath. He listens to a prophet yet again (Gad), and then pays for a threshing floor that eventually becomes the site of the Temple, refusing to take the land for free. I will buy it from you for a price…I will not offer burnt offerings…that cost me nothing (2 Samuel 24:24). These are the actions of a man seasoned by pain, failure, and success who has learned the hard lesson that maturity is always bought with a personal price.
In other words, stop expecting God to come down and zap you and take away your addiction. This is an immature expectation. Of course, God could deliver you instantly from all addictive cravings (I’ve known a few people instantly delivered in this fashion), but this is never His first choice. Instant deliverance does nothing whatsoever to build His character in you. Integrity comes like the building of the house—one nail at a time. And once you have paid the price, it’s your house forever. It’s no coincidence we are called to be God’s disciples. Discipline is at the very heart of Christianity.
Indeed, why don’t you start today with
Rule of Recovery #2: Craving Your Drug? Run Away!
Always respond to a mental/emotional craving with a physical response.
Do not fight a mental/emotional craving with thoughts.
In other words, don’t lie there in bed fighting the urge to masturbate. Get out of bed immediately and go take a cold shower, run 5 miles, have sex with your wife, walk the dog, or call your mom! DO ANYTHING BUT LIE THERE TRYING TO RESIST THE TEMPTATION.
At this stage, you’re not remotely strong enough to win the battle this way (which is why you’ve failed so many times in the past). A year from now you’ll simply take every thought captive and be done with the temptation, but you’ve a long way to go before you reach that stage. For now, always resist indirectly by doing something physical, not mental. You’ll know you’ve picked the right physical activity when, 5 minutes after the craving, you’ve already forgotten it. Trust me, this works!
Mature people mature via learning. Destroying denial is just another lesson to be learned—and like any learning, we get better with practice. Living in a fantasy world is fine for a 4-year-old—but not for a 40-year-old! We must grow up and mature. We develop maturity by submitting to God’s discipline (Hebrews 12), so stop running away from God’s pain and embrace it. In my experience, those of us with addictive personalities require serious levels of pain precisely because our levels of denial are so high. Always remember, however, that pain is not the point of discipline; the purpose of discipline is that we may share in His holiness (12:10).
You can’t get to consistent Purity, Maturity, and Destiny if you don’t first break free and then stay free of denial.
“Umility”
In case you’re wondering, in the interest of memorability, I always try to misspell a word when I use an acronym. “Umility” is yet another major part of your armor, especially at the beginning of your recovery process. Take as a bad example again my former counselee who called me recently. Even though this brother had experienced years of purity apart from an occasional masturbation, denial had crept back in and set the stage for a major adulterous relapse. Indeed, if he’d gone all the way, he’d be in divorce proceedings as we speak, and yet another Christian family would have been destroyed.
In his pride, this brother refused to listen to me as the Nathan in his life. I gave him two critical pieces of truth he needed to follow in order to maintain his purity over the long haul. The first, of course, was that he needed to get back to weekly/daily accountability. I also told him flat out that he was an alcoholic, and he needed to cut out any use of alcohol. Unfortunately, just like the hundreds of other alcoholics I’ve counseled, he was too proud and too much in denial to accept the truth. In this case, my counsel was particularly important because this brother’s habit of drinking while traveling always preceded previous major relapses. And—surprise, surprise—this most recent relapse followed exactly the same pattern.
Humility is the natural enemy of denial. Always start with humility. A humble person never underestimates his own capacity for self-deception. Read that again. Jeremiah 17:9 says it this way: The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure, who can understand it? Jesus teaches us that evil comes first out of the abundance of our hearts. This default state of deception demands a healthy respect for the many lies every Christian can concoct. How anyone can read the story of David and Bathsheba and not be scared in a good way is way beyond me. Basic humility understands that you and I can follow in David’s footsteps at any moment, if we aren’t taking our daily anti-denial medicine.
Now, trust me, I am not denying that we are new creations in Christ; Jesus has already given us new hearts with a new default. The new default of sanctification, however, is learned over time, through discipline, pain, and practice. God doesn’t snap His fingers and instantly make anyone into the ideal Christian. True humility recognizes this now-and-not-yet paradox, and finds strength in admitting our weaknesses.
Contrast my former counselee’s pride with David’s humility. Remember, David was an all-powerful king. He could have instantly had Nathan executed, along with his family and extended family. Powerful people, past and present, do not like having their darkest secrets exposed. David, however, immediately and wholeheartedly repented. He humbled himself before God’s prophet, received the rebuke and the punishment, and truly changed his ways because he never again relapses into sexual sin.
So get this, brothers and sisters, from the get-go: My words and this book are God’s way of bringing the prophet Nathan into your life just when you need it most. Have the humility to carefully receive and apply the truth contained herein!
Resistance
The final piece of A.R.M.U.R is Resistance, as in spiritual warfare. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. I’ve much more to say on this important topic in Stage 3, but here are some basics. David was a man after God’s heart because he was warrior par excellence—yeah, read that sentence again, because you’ve never thought about it that way before.
Unfortunately, you’ve been influenced by modern-day Christian peaceniks who cite the few verses that refer to the peaceful side of Jesus (He is the Prince of Peace), while ignoring the constant Biblical references to God’s warlike character and ways. “Jesus” is just another way of spelling “Joshua,” which was also the name for God’s general over the warrior tribes of Israel. “Joshua” is coming back riding a warhorse, and it ain’t no olive branch coming out of His mouth, but a sharp sword meant for killing and judgment. With justice He judges and makes war… The armies of heaven were following Him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean (Revelation 19:11-16).
Yeah, that’s right. That’s you and me and David riding to war on warhorses right behind Jesus (John previously identifies the “fine linen” as representing the “righteous acts of the saints,” 19:8). Note that David the warrior ran toward Goliath, but instead of running off to war as king, he ran toward Bathsheba. Every member of God’s kingdom has a warrior calling upon their life, but if you miss your calling, it’s easy to end up resisting the will of God instead.
So wake up, giant-slayer, and start acting like your savior “Joshua.” It’s high time you start making war on the enemies of your soul—starting with the demons that have been leading you into sexual sin.
Rule of Recovery #3: Resist Demons First, Then Crucify Your Flesh!
Resist demons by quoting Scripture out loud,
just like Jesus did in defeating the devil in the Wilderness.
Quote James 4:7 and specifically rebuke whatever demon is behind the temptation. I usually paraphrase James 4:7 and say something like this: I submit myself to God, I resist the devil, and you must flee. Demon of masturbation (or whatever the temptation is), get out of here in the Name of Jesus.
This will work about 50% of the time (an obvious approximation), because typically (in my experience) about half of all temptation is demonic in origin. Demons have to obey the Word of God spoken in faith, so about 50% of temptations will stop right there. Indeed, if it’s demonic, you often can’t even remember what the temptation was once it’s gone.
But the other 50% of the time, the craving will not go away. And that means it’s just your flesh: your sinful nature, or the testosterone in your system, or the consequences of looking at porn thousands of times before, or all of the above. This is when you move to Step 2 and Crucify your Flesh. This usually takes more work (which is another reason to rebuke demons first), because you have to go back to Rule of Recovery #2 and engage in physical activity before you can remove the craving. This is yet another reason why you should go through my books with a Band of Brothers or Sisters, so you can set up daily texting and check-in with your brothers/sisters. A great physical response to temptation is to grab your phone, go for a walk, and call one of your brothers or sisters and tell them about the temptation, and then pray together.
How do we break free and stay free of denial? Put on your A.R.M.U.R. daily. Practice accountability, tell the truth and remain grounded in reality, work your plan with consistent maturity, stay humble, and resist the devil until his demons flee. And do all this with a trusted group of Nathans who will hold your feet to the fire!
Your Brother in the Battle,
Timothy
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Excerpt taken from Pureheart Ministry’s Basic Training! Stage 1: Operation Purity
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