Keys To Life-Changing Accountability
Keys to Life-Changing Accountability
Accountability is one of the core values of Pureheart Ministries. There’s a right way and a wrong way to do accountability. Most Christians I’ve met never practice accountability at all, and if they do, it’s what I call Wimp Accountability. It’s not specific, nor is it measurable. There’s no cost for failure, and no focus on the positive. As someone who has been practicing accountability for over 3 decades now, here’s how you do it right.
Accountable
You need to practice daily/weekly accountability with a trusted group of brothers or sisters the rest of your life. Brand this one into your brain. This is in the top 3 most important things you must do if you want to achieve consistent Purity, Maturity, and Destiny. I cannot state this baldly enough: THERE WILL NEVER BE A TIME IN YOUR CHRISTIAN WALK WHEN YOU AS THE EYE OR THE HAND OR THE MOUTH CAN SAY TO THE BODY OF CHRIST, “I DON’T NEED YOU!”
What, the world is going to stop pushing porn in our faces? Women will suddenly start wearing more clothing? The devil is going to retire? And even if you’ve been pure for 50 years, you’re never exempted from following Scriptural commands and examples. And don’t you have other spiritual areas requiring growth? I’ve been in accountability most of my life, but my spiritual bucket list seems almost endless. Good thing I’m now working far more on adding the positives than I am removing the negatives. Even so, I need my Band of Brothers now more than ever!
Consistent
So much of spiritual maturity is just showing up each week. Good days, bad days, when your checklist is boring and routine. A massive crisis. Your biggest spiritual breakthrough. The standard here is Hebrews 3:13—Encourage one another daily. Multiple times a day is the max, weekly is the minimum, but it needs to be consistent, week in, week out, for the rest of your life.
And yes, groups will come and go. People move, drop out, change churches. But none of this excuses you from finding a new BOB or BOS group. Thanks to modern technology, accountability has never been easier—you can instantly text, call, and video conference with brothers and sisters across the world.
Confession
James 5:16 isn’t a suggestion. CONFESSION IS A COMMAND. Are you sinning daily? Then confess daily. Sinning weekly? Then confess weekly. Keep short accounts, and keep yourself sharp. And how can you confess your sins (and strengths) if you never meet in a small group? Your BOB or BOS group should know all your secrets. Honest and consistent confession guarantees open-hearted transparency!
I’m not suggesting you confess your sins to everyone—just a trusted group of brothers or sisters. And yes, it may take you a while to find a group you trust, but start building it one by one. Two people is a small group!
Checklist
The extra “C” in my A.C.C.C.O.U.N.T. acronym is all about brass tacks. At the end of this chapter, you’ll find an example of the famous Pureheart Daily/Weekly Checklist (see the Appendix for a copy). You have my permission to copy and distribute the Checklist as often as you like (just not for paid purposes).
This Checklist has been proven many times in transforming the lives of men and women, so I highly recommend it. The Checklist is all about specific and measurable goal-setting. Combine this with the power of accountability and the motivation of tangible consequences, and anyone can turn goals into habits.
Note: The Pureheart Checklist is easily adapted to cover any addictive struggle. Keep the format and change the words to fit your particular addiction. If you wrestle with multiple addictions, use the back page to add extra lines to cover each area of struggle.
“Onesty”
What’s the point of meeting with your brothers or sisters if you’re going to lie on your Checklist?! Transparency and accountability must coexist; otherwise it isn’t real accountability. Continuing to lie is a choice to remain trapped in your addiction, not to mention heaping sin upon sin. As I always tell my brothers: I help addicts break free as a matter of course, but I can’t help liars. The devil, not God, is the father of liars, so even God can’t help a liar!
Here’s the good news. Lying is nothing more than a bad habit, and like all habits you can learn to break it and replace it with a positive habit (truthtelling, in this case). See Chapter 12, “Liquidate Lying,” if you struggle in this area. And note the misspelled word “Onesty” so you remember my acronym!
Unity
Two are stronger than one. A cord of three strands is not easily broken. Do not give up meeting together as some are in the habit of doing. He sent them out two by two. The eye cannot say to the hand… You know this already, but it’s time to be a doer of the Word and not just a hearer. The unity of the brethren or the sistren (that should be a word) will happen only if you meet in a group small enough to get to know each other.
The practice of unity is especially important for those of us in the recovery process. I lead small groups because I know that the teacher always learns the most. Knowing I must set an example for my bros pushes me to excel in my walk with God. And yet, how many times have I needed my bros? And how many times have they had my back?! It works both ways. The bottom line is that we need each other; we can’t do Christianity without our BOB or BOS group!
No—What Are You Saying “Yes” To?
AA groups (Alcoholics Anonymous) have helped countless thousands worldwide and taught many, myself included, much about recovery. One thing I can’t stand about their groups, however, is that whenever you speak, you have to say something like, I’m Tim, and I’m an alcoholic. I understand they are teaching the addict to surrender to the fact of being an addict, but my identity is a new creation in Christ. I’m Timothy, and I’m a Man of God.
In other words, what you’re saying Yes to is far more important than what you’re leaving behind. The typical addict in recovery usually gets this wrong, and spends the bulk of their time focused on trying not to do something. This is why dieting, for example, rarely works—it’s all about the negative, what you are trying to lose. I never put people on diets. Instead, I want them completely sold out on their new exercise program, what they’re going to gain once they start running marathons or add 50 pounds of muscle or join CrossFit. This is why the Checklist starts with the positive. Yes will always be stronger than No.
Note: You will target bad habits very specifically in Basic Training!—but even then, the focus is on replacing those habits with positive habits.
Tangible Consequences
Why do I see so many amazing testimonies in my counseling? One of the keys to my success is the judicious use of Tangible Consequences. I will discuss TC’s in more detail in Chapter 6, “Plan for Purity,” but allow me to at least introduce the concept.
Jesus isn’t joking when He talks about cutting off hands and plucking out eyes. Just because He doesn’t mean it literally doesn’t mean He’s any less serious about the principle involved. Having invented humans, God of course knows that we are extremely conditionable. Pain is the great conditioner (I’m speaking as an expert on breaking and making habits). It does wonders for practically helping people keep goals!
With TC’s, you deliberately cause yourself pain (say, a $200 donation per masturbation), so you learn to associate the bad habit with pain you most definitely want to avoid. Or you give yourself a reward for achieving a good goal. Pleasure can have an equally powerful conditioning effect. Essentially you train yourself via punishment or reward using very practical tangible consequences. Again, much more on this later—but get ready to put your money where your mouth is!
Your Brother in the Battle,
Timothy
Let Pureheart help you. Contact Us Today!
Excerpt taken from Pureheart Ministry’s Basic Training! Stage 1: Operation Purity
Copyright ©2023 Timothy Davis