With Unrestricted Access to the Internet As A Pre-Teen, This Brother Now Walks in Freedom
These testimonies are from current and former Pureheart counselees. Most of these men and women have broken free and now walk in consistent purity and/or healed marriages but some are still in process. These brothers and sisters, married and single, represent a wide spectrum of ages, races, nationalities, denominations, backgrounds, personalities, and levels of addiction and dysfunction but all of them have changed dramatically. If they can change, so can you! For obvious reasons, we have changed their names. Here are their stories (unedited)
Brother “Tom’s” Testimony, Single
The first time I viewed a Playboy magazine I was in 6th grade a friend of mine got it from his uncle. I was hooked after that. I took any chance I could to get my hands on erotic material: Victoria’s Secret catalogues, swimsuit ads, MAXIM magazines, R rated movies, I even looked for porn if a kid at school said they saw it on the sidewalk on their way to school. I eventually got a stack of porn mags from another friend that were more vivid than I was used to. Masturbation took off and was soon a daily ritual for me. To make things worse I got unrestricted access to the internet the same time I was getting bored with those old magazines. I would stay up till 2AM before sneaking into the living room for a private viewing session. High school rolled around and I got my own room with my own computer. No wonder why my grades were so horrible, the time I should have been spending on homework I spent scheduling my life around when nobody else was home and downloading porn on a Napster-like program that left a clean trace on my browser history. After high school I got a girlfriend. Somehow I was firm in my belief that sex should take place after marriage, but that didn’t mean sexual groping and mutual masturbation were off the menu. Our relationship was never about love for each other but our own pain. We both lied to and used each other to make ourselves feel more secure. I finally broke the relationship off. Though it lasted for two months it did severe damage and left holes in me that I kept trying to fill with the wrong things time after time again.
My largest consequence I faced as an addict was the distance from God. I constantly defied God and only wanted him present when it was convenient for me. I never read my Bible. I didn’t believe that God wanted the best for me. My relationships with everybody suffered. I had a mask I would wear for everybody. I didn’t trust anyone and didn’t open up. I kept all of my pain locked inside. I was never up for making new friends. I would lie to cover up my feelings and sin. My guilt and shame made it almost impossible to face women. I never saw them in the way God wanted me to see them. I only looked and thought of them with my own worldly views. I spent so much of my time and energy involved in ministries I lacked heart for trying to cover up the addict “Tom,” that I would lose sight of who God created me to be. I was so focused on sex that I neglected the life God put in front of me.
Praise God for Pureheart Ministries and the work that they do. After hearing Tim and Jay share their testimonies I had hope. I thought to myself “If they can break free, I can too.” I signed up for a free evaluation. I thought that my addiction wasn’t that bad, after all I was a single man in my early twenties, but the sexual survey and Tim proved me wrong. Tim helped me to break out of denial and identify the lies I kept telling myself to justify my behavior. He helped me to realize that I was a prisoner of spiritual warfare. Once I began fighting for my soul I didn’t give up I was tired of giving up. I was sick of Satan controlling my life. I made a game plan to stop my behavior. I identified what I was fighting for, what I was standing against, my strengths, and my weaknesses. The material I read for homework was very helpful and proved to be an effective tool in defeating masturbation, full of great tips and suggestions. One suggestion that helped me out a lot was a tangible consequence. I first set the bar at a $50 donation to Pureheart Ministries for masturbating and then raised it to my $750 guitar to insure never relapsing. Thankfully God created me with the gift of being a tightwad and Tim never saw any consequence money from me. Tim also teamed me up with a few guys from my church we meet weekly to check in and discuss our struggle with sexual sin. It’s been my great honor and pleasure to get to know and love the men in my group. I am thankful to have open relationships with men I look up to. They keep me accountable and me helping them stay accountable helps me too. I can’t brag enough about my group. Pureheart works! If you are willing to spend the money for counseling, do the work, and make some sacrifices you too can be free from the vicious cycle that tore me apart daily.
As a single man I now have 14 months of consistent purity! No porn. No masturbation. I’m so grateful for the work God has done in my life. I’m a new man. I actually pursue God, not run and hide from him. I read my Bible and pray almost daily. I set goals and believe in myself. My communication has improved and I’m beginning to build healthy Christ-like relationships with women because there isn’t a barrier of shame. My thought life has improved drastically, I don’t find myself lusting near as much as I did and sex isn’t on my mind 89% of the time. I’ve began living a truthful, honest, and open life. I have a huge evangelical heart for men that struggle with sexual purity. I devote myself to my Pureheart group and plan to lead one in later years. I’m more active I care about my health and exercise more often. I make better use of my time, I rarely if ever watch T.V. and I spend my time doing what I love and fulfilling my duties. I give more generously and have recently started to tithe. I’ve learned to be bold and confident, and best of all I don’t see myself as a pathetic, cowardly pervert anymore. I see myself as “Tom,” a man of God.