Testimony Tuesday: A Married Man’s Testimony
Tuesday's testimonies are from current and former Pureheart counselees. Most of these men and women have broken free and now walk in consistent purity and/or healed marriages but some are still in process. These brothers and sisters, married and single, represent a wide spectrum of ages, races, nationalities, denominations, backgrounds, personalities, and levels of addiction and dysfunction but all of them have changed dramatically. If they can change, so can you! For obvious reasons, we have changed their names. Here are their stories (unedited)
“Brad’s” Story
I grew up in a Christian home. God has always been an important part of my life. I was baptized at age 11. But I started down a path of pornography addiction at 13 with women’s swimsuit and lingerie catalogs. Then in high school I discovered nude internet photos and eventually progressed to hardcore internet videos. I spent 20 years addicted to internet pornography. It eventually took a toll on my ability to function as a healthy person. It took a toll on my marriage. It took a toll on my ability to be productive. But its greatest toll was on my spiritual relationship with God and I carried an overwhelming burden of guilt in secret.
Back when I was 17, I had started questioning the existence of God when He gave me a transformative experience. I committed to never doubting how real and active He was, but my addiction kept me trapped in spiritual immaturity, unable to grow as God desired. It left me with a living/breathing/moving piece missing from my spiritual walk. I was committed to God, but the guilt and shame of my sexual sins left me trapped as a Pharisee without the possibility of spiritual growth and freedom in Christ. Over the course of my addiction I spent many thousands of hours looking at internet porn and masturbated over 3000 times. I fantasized about friends, co-workers, and others in ways that left me broken and ashamed. I lied to my wife over and over, ruining my own self-image and the trust in our marriage. I wasted so much of my life chasing after the high of pornography and masturbation only to immediately loathe myself as soon as it was done. I wanted to quit but I didn’t want to quit. I would stop for a time and then go right back to addiction. I lived a constant double-life and started to believe that I would never find a way of escape.
Pureheart has been a key part of breaking through physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual barriers to experience spiritual growth and freedom from addiction. My spiritual walk is healthier, more varied, and real, and my marriage is vastly improved. My wife comments on the difference quite frequently and how much she loves our changed relationship. I have been pornography free for 11 months. I had no masturbations for 10 months before a recent relapse. But even in that one relapse the difference between the old me and the new creation God has made is evident. I didn’t hide it from my wife. Instead I told her and my Pureheart Band of Brothers right away. I implemented the plan of dealing with a relapse so that I do not go back to the same old addiction. The lack of hiding and shame has made such a difference in addressing the problem and growing away from it, not toward it. God has brought such great blessings to me and my family through Pureheart and I am so eternally grateful.
What helped me most in the Pureheart process is the practical and comprehensive nature of the program and the accountability and relationships in my Band of Brothers. I was skeptical of doing counseling with a group but now I wouldn’t trade it for the world. The ability to openly fail without condemnation, but rather total support has been powerful. Additionally, seeing other brothers be 100% honest about their failures is inspiring and transformative. There is power in bringing our sins to light before brothers who hold no condemnation. I wholeheartedly recommend Pureheart to anyone who wants to get pure and receive training in growing spiritually far beyond mere purity to experience real intimacy with God. I would do it all over again a million times out of a million.