Testimony Tuesday: Another Married Man’s Testimony
Tuesday's testimonies are from current and former Pureheart counselees. Most of these men and women have broken free and now walk in consistent purity and/or healed marriages but some are still in process. These brothers and sisters, married and single, represent a wide spectrum of ages, races, nationalities, denominations, backgrounds, personalities, and levels of addiction and dysfunction but all of them have changed dramatically. If they can change, so can you! For obvious reasons, we have changed their names. Here are their stories (unedited)
“JB’s” Testimony
As I am wrapping up a year of walking through Basic Training with Tim Davis and 5 Band of Brothers; I am just overwhelmed by the huge change that has happened in my life. I called Pureheart Ministries out of pure desperation to save me, my marriage and my family. We were all so hurt by the cancer I had brought into our family. I was so tired of dealing with my lust, hurting my wife and not finding freedom. My wife was so hurt and tired of being plagued by my sin. My kids were tired of an emotionally distant dad. Something had to change.
I asked Jesus into my heart when I was six years old. I was raised by Christian parents and they always made sure that I was in church, went to a Christian school and we’re around Christian friends. I was raised in a legalistic Baptist church and school. They were more focused on rules instead of relationships. That is where my relationship fell apart with my stepdad (my real dad left my mom when I was six months old. He later died when I was 12.) My stepdad was a strict disciplinarian and that is how I saw my relationship with my Heavenly Father. I walked in fear and that led to being alone and isolated. That is where sin, lust and sexual things entered my life. Porn started when I was eight years old. I saw my first pictures, I was taught masturbation, saw magazines and a few years later; computers and the Internet were beginning to become more popular. This only fueled of lust burning in my heart. My parents never discussed lust, sex, or healthy habits to deal with teenage hormones. This only lead to more isolation and silence. This continued throughout my teenage years and into my early 20s.
I met my wife when I was 20 and married her when I was 21. I thought marriage would take away my lust problems but it only covered it and it was never dealt with. During all this time, nothing sexually related was ever discussed. It was 11 years into our marriage when my wife asked me if I looked at porn. I almost passed out! It was the most awesome day and the most awful day of my life. Lust was brought into the Light and my wife was crushed! I almost lost my marriage! I completely broke her trust by my actions. I rejected her and told her that she was not enough by my actions. We were hanging on by a thread. My wife gave me incredible Grace right after I was outed but the grueling seven years of recovery and dealing with fear really drained her. It felt like I was reading the right books and talking to the right people but there was just not right actions. Or there was but I was so fearful that I acted like a little kid. Something had to change. I needed to be a man and not walk in fear. It was a rough seven years before Pureheart. I was porn free and masturbation free but I had to rewire my brain pathways. I lived in so much fear. I was afraid of the things I thought about, things I saw and the fear that I would not be able to overcome this. I wanted to be free but didn’t know how. I needed structure, I needed a group of brothers who were on the same path as me and again nobody talked about this stuff.
In walks Pureheart Ministries. I googled Christian counseling and one of the first thing that popped up was Pureheart. It had a World War II theme (which caught my eye since I was currently deployed at the time). Tim was blunt and straightforward with how to become pure in this present time. Finally what I was looking for. I was not looking for group counseling but individual counseling instead. I figured I would give it a shot since I was looking for a group of guys to talk about this stuff with. Since starting the group I have become PEMA free. My devotions, worship, fasting, Bible reading, taking care of myself and my family, my band of brothers has become a top priority. My marriage has grown exponentially in intimacy with my wife. We are able to talk openly and I understand her and she understands me. I walk in freedom from lust, fear(the negative things) and more love, grace, forgiveness(the Christ things). With this new freedom, I want to share this pathway to purity with other men all around the world.
Group counseling is the best solution for recovery! You’re combining individual counseling with a group of brothers to do life with. You get to learn from each other, you get to encourage each other and be encouraged. You get to learn from men younger and older than you, men wiser than you and learn from their mistakes as well. In a group you can let your guard down and be real with these brothers because you are all in the same boat. There is no guilt, shame or judgment since all we have to do is look back at our pasts and be humbled.
The workbooks that Tim created are incredible. He has such a gift of writing and conveying a point while being totally honest, blunt and transparent. These books aren't written by your mama. These are real! The purity path is very clear and completely obtainable if you were willing to put in the hard work and follow the process. I would totally recommend Pureheart to others!! I can’t wait to share Pureheart with 1 million men around the world.